I choose to suck it up

The wise men say, "treat people the way you want to be treated."
Well, sure I treat people the way I wanna be treated. Just somehow, I don't get treated back like that.

You can sit all day, wondering whats wrong, whether its you or the people that that doesn't happen. You wonder whether you missed something while you were always trying to cheer someone else up, lighten someone's mood at the stake of yours, tried everything. But maybe that wasn't enough. Maybe you missed something, maybe the fact that you tried wasn't good enough, for that someone else.

No matter what you do, people won't care about you or your mood or anything related to you if they don't want to. You can either sit and be sad over it. Or be mad at them and fight about it. Or try and live in denial for sometime or maybe longer time or maybe for forever.
But the fact is, nothing will change.

So, I choose to go with none. I choose to suck it up and live with it.

Now. Then is past.

You know the feeling of getting tired of trying to constantly make someone understand you?

Of forgiving them again and again only to realize, after every few days, that the good times were an illusion.

Feeling of making a complete fool out of you? The time when you're so fed up of even reacting to it?

THAT.

I wanna rewind few months and stay there. :| 

Because the heart is a black box.

The past recurs in the smell of burning sugar; hints of it linger in the sound of certain words; or it unexpectedly takes shape in the back of a stranger’s head. Worst of all are the thoughts that form in the silence of the night, when the truth is hardest to ignore and one’s own culpability is undeniable. Then regret consumes me, and I feel the bitterness rise in my throat. But, even in the worst moments, there is this consolation: that you, too, can never forget.

Because the heart is a black box.

Every conquest, loss or rejection leaves its trace. We love according to what the heart has been taught. We love in the shadow – sometimes benign, sometimes malevolent – of every disappointment, betrayal or fulfillment. We love – and no god can control the feeling or mitigate the consequences.

This is an extract from the book The Obscure Logic of the Heart by Priya Basil that touched me.

There is no such thing as Happily Ever After.

I read an article this morning about Photographer Dina Goldstein who captured the imperfect world of the perfect princess and the perfect doll. Her Barbie walks in on her cheating husband Ken, who she discovers, is gay. Snow White’s marriage is a nightmare as she manages four kids without help, and her Prince Charming turns out to be an out-of-work sloth and Rapunzel has cancer, undergoes chemotherapy and loses her lovely locks.

In today’s world, our world of dark realities is far more pertinent than a fairytale we grew up believing in. Our banal notions of expecting too much out of a person and a relationship ends up screwing things which we fail to realize, rather accept.

Your expectations are your own problem, no one elses.

Can't Sleep It Off :|

Selfish.

Mean.

Liar.

Think only about yourself.

Pretend.

Few words you would never expect to hear from a few people. But when you do, everything seems to fall apart.

Anger subsides, you get over the sadness, but when you get hurt and hurt that bad, it’s not at all easy to push it at the back of your mind, let alone forget about it or not think of it.

And even after all this; you still can’t get yourself to hate those people. You can’t even think ill of them. You start thinking that they might be as miserable as you are, they might also be going through hell thinking what all you might have said. As a result you start doubting yourself and your self respect takes a downtrip to hell.

Have you spent crying yourself to sleep because of me? Have you blamed yourself over and over again? Have you thought of anything about how miserable I am? Have you thought how am coping with my problems all alone because you asked me to deal with them myself? I guess not.

Then you start to think that even if you said the bad things, you did apologize and they were nowhere near to what you got to hear in return. Also, even if you did say equally bad things, you did apologize. But the apology never came from the other side. Had it come, you wouldn’t have missed if even if it was not genuine, because in between all the crap, you were just looking out for one apology to make yourself believe that you’re not making a complete fool out of you.

Everything was so much easier when you didn’t want anyone by your side, you didn’t want anybody to hug you and stay with you while you cried thinking about your fears or insecurities.

Maybe it should stay that way – without the willingness to share anything with anybody or get anyone’s hug.

Life is cruel at times, after all.

Tyndall Effect.

Ever wondered what exactly “right time” or “right place” or “right manner” is?

I do wonder about that. But lately, all I wonder about is what exactly a “right thought” is?

Maybe it’s something that makes you feel better or something that makes other person feel better or maybe it’s something totally random. But why do we wish to know which thought is right or which one is wrong? Isn’t life supposed to be easy where everything turns our right? Eventually it does. Maybe.

Thoughts know no boundary, they keep on spreading. When do we know we need to stop our thoughts so that they stay right? How do we know we’re right?

Anddddd I have absolutely no idea what am writing K

What do you do when you realize that the only person you care about is hurting because of you?

I guess, you let go.

Or not?

A pause.

It always comes down to expectations. They practically ruin every goddamn thing for you and for others.

Another pause.

Staring at the screen and thinking absolutely nothing is also worth writing. Huh.

Yet another lonnggg pause.

^

Conclusion: Simply messed up in your mind.

Solution: Drive away, take a break – from everything.

Me: Why don’t I learn shooting? Or go play laser tag game or paintball maybe? :D

River of words

I don't whether I should post it or not, 
but for the sake of originality in composition, I just cannot not post it.


The following is a sort of conversation.


A : I wouldn't have run away
I would have stayed near
If , just for once, you would have
seen in my eyes , the pain and the tear..
But now its useless to moan..
coz the heart's become a stone..
But the stone still has your insciption
And all it screams is your description.


B : I wish i could have stopped you
I wish you had stayed
If, just for once, you would have
Seen in my heart, the hurt and the fear ..
But now its useless to cry
Cuz you're heart's become a stone
there's no more energy left in me to explain
how much you think I dont, but I do see your pain.

A : U were not moved by anything much..
U never gave a damn as such...
and after trying like hell,
I realised,
its time to step back..
its time to pack...

B : you tried too hard,
the whole pyramid fell because of one card
what you realised,
wasnt how it was meant to be
but its your decision, your way to see
and it'll always ge respected,
though not appreciated

A : Yes I tried very hard..
To keep ma favourite card..
and at first I thought, I lost it to one petty move
bt I guess it was the card itself which alwys wntd to
disapprove..

B : you chose to assume,
complications always come when yew presume.
you never understood that card, time was needed
but you didnt give time to time and without weighing
your actions, positive outcomes yew pleaded

A : yes i was desperate
coz i couldn't tolerate
the time taken by u was way too long
i jst wanted u to carry u along
but u never understood ma fear of losing u
i was trying to find the person i felt for
bt u mistook me pushed me ashore!!


and it ended there.
After permission, I might just reveal the people involved. But assuming it won't be appreciated, I'll stay shush.



Maybe it hurts right now,
Maybe you're broken in pieces,
Maybe everything is falling apart,
Maybe you think you won't make it
But you will.
Hold on just a bit longer,
Fight just a bit harder
And I promise you the sun's gonna shine again soon.
- Anonymous

Without You

Without you, things were perfect in the past,
life was smooth like some magic was cast
then the clouds came, with them the heavy rain,
which poured down on me causing me pain
darkness descended around, like a cloak,
in little time, my mind felt a stroke
though ii survived what life had to extend,
no matter how worse it got, ii tried to fend
a not-so-good experience it might have been,
i'll learn from it, of that am very keen
having you with me, that memory i'll always behold,
it was a bad story, that'd always be told
life is getting back on track now,
how much happy ii find myself to be,makes me go, "wow"
the situation, in it, had a peculiar humor, 
But without you, things will be perfect in future .!