Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Because when words fail, music speaks

At times, words fail to explain what we want to say - to ourselves as and to others.  At those times, it's music that speaks, loud and clear.
My emotions and thoughts are trapped in a whirlpool at the moment. So there are a few songs, and not just one, that might explain what enigma my mind is facing.
At different time of day, these songs make me play them again and again on my player.
So here goes -

In the morning, when ii travel .. these are the songs ii end up listening to again and again.


I Got You (by) Leona Lewis




Say Goodbye (by) Chris Brown




You Don't Love Me (by) Rihanna




And when my mood swing, by the time it's noon  -


What The Hell (by) Avril Lavigne




Right There (by) Nicole Scherzinger





What's My Name (by) Rihanna




Then in the evening, this takes place - 

Space Bound (by) Eminem




Need You Now (by) Lady Antebellum




Ride It (by) Jay Sean



So these are the songs ii end up listening to often these days. Confused much :/

Friday, August 19, 2011

A Tiring Night

She wakes up, startled by the alarm. Rubbing the sleepy eyes with back of her hand, she crawls out of the bed, walks to the window and stares at the secluded tree.  Weather’s pleasant, she notices. Admiring how the leaves, the flowers are enjoying and living in the moment, forgetting about the harsh sun, dancing with joy welcoming the spring, she concentrates on the leaves swinging side by side. And then, she gets a flashback of last night.






It was tough, last night.  She had a headache, was sleep deprived but all that seemed secondary. Primarily, she was supposed to humor a friend, who had a bad mood swing and he was full of anger. And the anger was for no one other than her. She brushes the thoughts away instantly, pivots around and walks to her washroom. After taking a shower, she goes to her kitchen, looks around wondering what she should eat in breakfast but settles for a cup of strong cold coffee. She makes herself a coffee and her heart smiles at the sweet scent of caffeine. She decides to spend some time thinking what happened last night over the cup of coffee. And so, she goes in her balcony, settles on the floor comfortably and takes the first sip. That is when she realises last night was indeed tough because among all those secondary issues, empty stomach was another one. But carrying on with the coffee, she starts to brush up her memory. What had happened last night ?



It started off good, with them talking casually about random stuff like they always did. And then suddenly he got irritated, because of an answer she gave which she got to know of later. He had asked, “say, did yew miss me all day ?” and she had replied, “yew know what am gonna say.”  Well o’course he knew, she had said the same thing hundreds of times, only because he had asked hundred times. She hated disappointing people but furthermore, she hated lying. She couldn’t get herself to say the truth that she hadn’t and also, she had no intentions of lying to him and say that she did. And that’s how she’s always been with everyone. But he got irritated, hating that he wasn’t being answered straight and also sort of despising the way she treated him. He wasn’t used to being treated anything close to normal especially by the person he was treating specially. But she didn’t seem to be perturbed by that for she was used to being treated special, not because she was beautiful or rich or anything, but she was a very sweet person. She was exactly what her friends wanted her to be, though to some extent. She was the saint and the sinner at the time. One moment, she was rude saying all the callous things and the very next moment, she said cute things making the person feel comforted. But that’s how she was. She was sweet, because she couldn’t see her friends being upset but also she was a no-nonsense person so putting up with the mushy-mushy stuff & flirting wasn’t a long term thing for her. And the very fact, that she was very straight forward helped her escape the guilt of not being herself with the friend.

Her thoughts are evaded by a beep. A text message, but she ignores. So, her friend was mad all the time, almost on the verge of abusing her but it was all very amusing for her. She was being shouted at, for being the person she was. Ask her serious questions, she’ll give straight and sorted answers but ask her if she misses yew, if she loves yew, if she cares about yew et al, wasn’t really her thing. And it was funny, because she had simply been his friend for around 2-3 months. When she makes any new friend, she usually spends 5-6 months pampering them till the time she realises she can’t take anymore. She gets to her no-nonsensical form & the person accuses her of changing. And she feels like snapping at them saying, “People never change, yew just get to know them better. You saw my sweet side, now meet the real me”. Most of the times, people prefer to leave her alone once they get acquainted to her other side. But that wasn’t the problem with him.
It took her time to get there but with him, she didn’t take more than 4-5 days to be her true self, flashing off her no-nonsensical side. Perhaps because she was aware that the guy is already pampered much and pampering him anymore won’t be much fun. She didn’t think all of that; the way she was with him came to her naturally. And there she was, last night, laughing at him yet again trying to make him feel better and chuck all the anger. For the first time with him, she had put her thoughts in words. In order to explain him, she told him very openly that she felt he was judgemental and immature. She was very well aware of the fact how others treat him but she didn’t feel he was worth all that. He was nice, no doubt, but being coddled like that, he wasn’t that big a thing. So she ended up telling him what exactly he didn’t wanna listen but getting straight answers from her seemed to make him content.

So that was all she told him last night. That she wanted him to be himself, be true to her. The only reason she didn’t say all that before was because she knew he was so desperate to be in her good books, like he was desperate for being in everyone else’s, that he was willing to change himself. But changing someone is the last thing she’d ever want from anyone. She wanted to accept him, and all her friends as for that matter, the way he truly was.
All of that seemed to lighten his mood. Now what she wasn’t sure of was why was she being like this with him from such an early point? By that time, her coffee has almost finished and she decides to leave that thought at that and let time play its role. She’ll have her answers in some time, which she’s sure of. So getting up, thinking that last night must have been tiring but it gave her a chance to be proud of whom she was.  Wearing a smile on her face, she walks back in her house, looks around and suddenly starts processing all the chores she needs to get done with during that day. And her day finally begins.