Can't Sleep It Off :|

Selfish.

Mean.

Liar.

Think only about yourself.

Pretend.

Few words you would never expect to hear from a few people. But when you do, everything seems to fall apart.

Anger subsides, you get over the sadness, but when you get hurt and hurt that bad, it’s not at all easy to push it at the back of your mind, let alone forget about it or not think of it.

And even after all this; you still can’t get yourself to hate those people. You can’t even think ill of them. You start thinking that they might be as miserable as you are, they might also be going through hell thinking what all you might have said. As a result you start doubting yourself and your self respect takes a downtrip to hell.

Have you spent crying yourself to sleep because of me? Have you blamed yourself over and over again? Have you thought of anything about how miserable I am? Have you thought how am coping with my problems all alone because you asked me to deal with them myself? I guess not.

Then you start to think that even if you said the bad things, you did apologize and they were nowhere near to what you got to hear in return. Also, even if you did say equally bad things, you did apologize. But the apology never came from the other side. Had it come, you wouldn’t have missed if even if it was not genuine, because in between all the crap, you were just looking out for one apology to make yourself believe that you’re not making a complete fool out of you.

Everything was so much easier when you didn’t want anyone by your side, you didn’t want anybody to hug you and stay with you while you cried thinking about your fears or insecurities.

Maybe it should stay that way – without the willingness to share anything with anybody or get anyone’s hug.

Life is cruel at times, after all.

Just a Toy.

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Life was so perfect then. I used to lay peacefully on the top shelf, watch other mates getting picked or rather they choosing people. Like everyone else, I wished to be taken by the right person. Then one day, when you walked in, picked me up and took me to your place. That was the happiest day of my life. Toy’s day. I was very popular, wanted to be possessed by many but no one other than yew got the chance.

Everything was going great. We had our good and bad times. You loved me, spent time with me, and treated me like anything but just a toy. Then came the day when I realized ii no more grabbed your attention. I was at the corner, not even sure of what drove yew away. Was it someone else? Was it some other toy? I was simply in dark.

Now gone are the days when ii wanted to be with you, when ii thought of laying in your arms and seeing you smile at me, when ii thought of staying with you forever. I see the world now, loud and clear. On that top shelf, ii had a view so unclear of reality. You brought me face to face with the cruel world. I wish ii had stayed on that shelf. I better had not come down. I would have preferred being finished off without going through all this rough time, without getting picked.. But nothing can be done now. All ii hope that now you leave me in dark forever. I don’t want to be picked up one day and humiliated in front of other species when they laugh at me while you tell them about the times ii entertained you. Because when you’ll be done, ii know I’ll be thrown away again. To be picked again.

And again and again.

Whichever toy keeps you happy now, ii hope he doesn’t meet the same fate. I know one ought to get bored by one toy at a time but ii have some hope for that toy now. Because even though you got bored of me, ii didn’t get bored of you. I hope that toy means the same to you as you did to me. Its okay, what happened with me though. Was meant to happen, ii guess.

After all I’m just a toy. Destined to be treated like one.