Has it EVER dawned on yew why yew cry over the past?
Have yew ever thought of sharing your pain after yew had decided that no one ever will be genuinely interested, because that’s how the world is ? People are only interested in your BS if either they have something to relate with their life or they get some juicy gossip.
Life is unfair. MILLIONS of times we have heard that but yew say that the million and one-th time won’t make a difference. Just realising that life isn’t easy doesn’t make it any simpler. And those who say it does, are either idiots or too strong to forgive.
It takes strength to forgive, ii agree but ii also agree that maybe then, ii don’t have that much strength. The bad times ii have been through, every now and then make me cry my eyes out. And ii don’t see why people keep saying that don’t cry over the past? What else are we supposed to cry about then?
You can share your pain with people, but why to? As if anyone cares.
Pain ii have been through? It’ s pretty much normal - being dumped (not quite dumped but close to it), being called a slut, a stalker, a hypocrite, a liar and almost all sorts of BAD things. Disappointing parents, breaking other’s heart, topping a million of people’s hit list, backstabbed by friends. Sounds very USUAL, doesn’t it?
Well honestly, ii typed all of those in detail and trust me, it didn’t seem anywhere near to normal pain that a teenager puts up with. Yes, there are millions out there who have faced worse than ii have - matter of life and death, matter of home and food and all that. But ii don’t think ii really wanna get there atm. Anyway, ii couldn’t put that detailed drama here because ii realised am not ready to blurt that out here just yet. Maybe, some other day. Not that ii worry if someone might read, coz hardly any one reads my blog (yea, cry baby ii am). But ii just don’t wanna share my pain. :| That’s how ii am. ii just don’t share my pain with anyone. No one has ever even given a reason for me to, and those who made me do it, ended up hurting me. This was like, 4 years back so ever since then, ii haven’t shared my pain with anyone.
And yes, all this might seem very casual, like it happens with everyone. Maybe then, am not strong enough like everyone else. Maybe ii am just that person who has the dark feeling of coal overpowering because of which ii don’t see the diamonds in my life (ii read this line at some other blog. Don’t remember which one, but when ii do, i’ll put it up here). Maybe ii am just the weakest person on this earth because ii let these things get me every now and then. Like once in 3-4 months. Today is just another one such day when my barrier broke. ii have been crying since last night and ii desperately want it to stop, coz ii have an exam tomorrow which ii don’t wanna screw up. ii have tried everything, keeping myself busy by talking to friends, watching tv, listening to music, studying, crying, reading random blogs, tried sleeping. But NOTHING is working. So ii thought maybe writing would. ii feel better now, only ii don’t know for how long that will last. When ii talked to the friend, ii was pretty much okay for next one hour so lets see how long does this keep me from getting upset.
ii simply hope this day gets over soon
They say forget and forgive. But when one can’t forget, how can one forgive? That way, ii can say ii don’t forgive because ii never forget.
Have yew ever thought of sharing your pain after yew had decided that no one ever will be genuinely interested, because that’s how the world is ? People are only interested in your BS if either they have something to relate with their life or they get some juicy gossip.
Life is unfair. MILLIONS of times we have heard that but yew say that the million and one-th time won’t make a difference. Just realising that life isn’t easy doesn’t make it any simpler. And those who say it does, are either idiots or too strong to forgive.
It takes strength to forgive, ii agree but ii also agree that maybe then, ii don’t have that much strength. The bad times ii have been through, every now and then make me cry my eyes out. And ii don’t see why people keep saying that don’t cry over the past? What else are we supposed to cry about then?
You can share your pain with people, but why to? As if anyone cares.
Pain ii have been through? It’ s pretty much normal - being dumped (not quite dumped but close to it), being called a slut, a stalker, a hypocrite, a liar and almost all sorts of BAD things. Disappointing parents, breaking other’s heart, topping a million of people’s hit list, backstabbed by friends. Sounds very USUAL, doesn’t it?
Well honestly, ii typed all of those in detail and trust me, it didn’t seem anywhere near to normal pain that a teenager puts up with. Yes, there are millions out there who have faced worse than ii have - matter of life and death, matter of home and food and all that. But ii don’t think ii really wanna get there atm. Anyway, ii couldn’t put that detailed drama here because ii realised am not ready to blurt that out here just yet. Maybe, some other day. Not that ii worry if someone might read, coz hardly any one reads my blog (yea, cry baby ii am). But ii just don’t wanna share my pain. :| That’s how ii am. ii just don’t share my pain with anyone. No one has ever even given a reason for me to, and those who made me do it, ended up hurting me. This was like, 4 years back so ever since then, ii haven’t shared my pain with anyone.
And yes, all this might seem very casual, like it happens with everyone. Maybe then, am not strong enough like everyone else. Maybe ii am just that person who has the dark feeling of coal overpowering because of which ii don’t see the diamonds in my life (ii read this line at some other blog. Don’t remember which one, but when ii do, i’ll put it up here). Maybe ii am just the weakest person on this earth because ii let these things get me every now and then. Like once in 3-4 months. Today is just another one such day when my barrier broke. ii have been crying since last night and ii desperately want it to stop, coz ii have an exam tomorrow which ii don’t wanna screw up. ii have tried everything, keeping myself busy by talking to friends, watching tv, listening to music, studying, crying, reading random blogs, tried sleeping. But NOTHING is working. So ii thought maybe writing would. ii feel better now, only ii don’t know for how long that will last. When ii talked to the friend, ii was pretty much okay for next one hour so lets see how long does this keep me from getting upset.
ii simply hope this day gets over soon
They say forget and forgive. But when one can’t forget, how can one forgive? That way, ii can say ii don’t forgive because ii never forget.
4 comments:
wow i feel lyk i'm going through the same thing. Someone i really liked hurt me and its hard to look at him the same way.
I forgive him and i dnt hold any grudges against him cos he's genuinely a nice person, but i dnt think i'll ever forget it.
sorry hun!!..jst keep ur head up!
it's difficult.
but yeah, am much much better :D
thanks ae :)
Hi Rashi! I'm glad I found your blog. Wow you said quite a mouthful in your blog. Where to start.I would say that I went through the same feelings as a teenager. I would say that looking back its amazing how many people do care. All you have to do is look at their actions. People actions reflect how they feel. Not all of the time but a lot of the time. Someone cares.
I would say that its bad to hold things in. All it will do is turn back on you. I used to hold in my feelings hoping that I would grow stronger when all I did was grow weaker and unhealthier which made me eventually hurt people. When you're hurt, you hurt other people.
The best freedom in the world is to let things out and express yourself. Whether its through blogging, talking to genuine friends, or telling the person who hurt you how you felt.
Forgiveness is hard but the best thing about forgiveness is that forgiveness is not for them. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is so that you don't have to carry the weight and hurt from the things that someone has inflicted on you.
Sometimes people don't know. They are just as lost as the next person. It's so much more I could say but its so intricate that it would take hours to talk about.
You will not forget what people do to you but you can still forgive them despite off. Forgiving them is saying that yes you hurt me or did this to me but I'm not going to let what you did make me into a bitter person, I see you for what you are a lost person, a mean person etc and I'm still going to be Rashi and I'm still going to live and make friends, and have fun and be happy. You don't have the power to take that away from me. Forgiveness gives you strength.
And there's nothing wrong with not being in a place to forgive all people. It comes with time.
One thing I can say is that the things you don't understand or never thought possible have a way of manifesting later on into understanding and possibility.
I hope this helps and that you have something to smile about everyday.
You are not alone.
Hi Terri :)
Thanks a lot for making me feel am not the only one. Am glad to know you are on my side :)
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