| Infatuation |

 

A giggle escapes my teeth,

when ii think about the fluttering butterflies, my stomach seethe           

Across the hall, ii see him chatting

talking to his friends, they're happily patting

An urge runs down my spine

to keep staring at him, the guy who's a sparkling shine

Captivated by the unknown factor

there's not a word to him ii wanna utter

I don't feel like giving up, i know i'vnt wasted my time

not wasted it believing, he could ever be mine

It's not a case of a friendship turned into love

so there's no chance of a heartbreak, not any dying dove

Thats why ii don't fear,

to keep gazing at him, ii know there won't be any tear

For a person like me, an extrovert

these sensations are new, as into words my thoughts instantly convert

To him, my feelings, ii don't share

he's a popular guy, who wouldn't care

Because ii know I'm not "higher class"

i'm something he would just surpass

This thought might get me disturbed,

but knowing that ii ain't making any effort, my emotions aren't perturbed

Somehow ii don't repent that ii aint making an attempt 

it's the gazing with which my heart is contempt

Coz with a try, there can be a friendship's creation

merely atm all ii want to experience, is a beautiful feeling called infatuation.  

                            

~ burial descends

It starts off with a *sigh,

followed by the emotions making me high

Sometimes, ii am speechless and there's emptiness in head,

and other times, its like the war of the dead

Its been so long, far too retentive,

our memories ii possess, but i've been so repulsive

No matter how much i deny,

ii have to agree that no one ever, that much made me cry

The way yew treated me, the way yew made me giggle,

the way we used to love and the way we used to fiddle

The endless talks we seemed to have, endless care we had

its those special moments together, that makes me even more sad

All day all night long, we used to talk and always doodle,

you were a gift in my life, yew were my poodle

Time seemed to stop when we were together, forever

ii wanted it to continue longer than EVER

But now ii know it was all cooked up in my mind,

because for yew, ii was just like the rest of the kind

I never meant anything to yew, the distance we travelled in unison,

in a matter of sometime, our friendship became your poison

Whenever ii listen to 'When you look me in the eye', ii cry,

tears don't seem to leave my lashes dry

Like sunshine in the rain, yew made my whole world fall apart,

yew have a life now, of which ii am no part

Ever since yew left, my life has been dark,

ii am devoid of love and with it the spark

Your love was like the rain on my earth,

ii guess like the drying seas, time yew had for me was always in dearth

In the depths of darkness, ii submerge

cz nothing seems right, now nothing can converge

God knows, every drop of water that fell from my eye was like a golden tear,

cz only yew had the light to make my darkness disappear

Since now ii don't have yew in my life, not the light,

grimness never leaves me, its grip is increasingly tight

I thought we were very close, that's all ii could ever perceive,

repugnant as it might be, ii guess it's time for me to believe

even if ii said the right thing, if ii said the wrong,

no matter what ii do, yew will always be gone

I took a fall, my heart did break,

it was a huge one, trusting yew was a mistake

But anything ii say or anyway ii behave,

ii know it only irrirates yew, its my absence for which yew crave
To see yew smile, ii bury my feelings deep 

as this cold night falls, ii pull the blanket of silence over me and drift to sleep.

Fainted Paint ~

Your face, a perfect painting        

 

sadly in my memory, itz fainting                           
But back in my subconscious mind
its held in a piece totally bind
You were the silly, mature and honest guy
who held me tight when I needed to cry
You were the smile on my face
that's now faded away, to my amaze
You used to be my shadow
everywhere in love, you used to follow
As your no longer around
I don't understand why am profound
You come and go so fast
like a wind, over and past
the stabbing pain remains, against the grain
Because I know you'll come back, to leave me again 

# Love the way it hurts. #

Here comes the feeling again, the flavor of evacuation

I went online, came across your profile & that was my provocation

Sipping the coffee from my mug,

ii travel back the road where my thoughts are dug

It was all so good, all so   fine,

until you came back, claiming ii was still your spine

For sometime ii was reluctant, to hear your voice,

ii was afraid to get hurt again but you left me no choice

 Hearing you say my name, my N.I.C.K, ii melt 

even when you say you went through the same pain, and how you dealt,

I feel anger arousing, because my pain was acute and ii am certain, yours was not any close

but your stubborness insisted thats the lie ii chose
Going through everything was hard for me, but ii 

survived,

it might have forced me to change, but atleast ii never lied

In my own tears ii drowned,

no matter how much ii shout, only silence is the thing with which am crowned

When ii think of you and me today,

ii wonder there never was 'us' (♥), never meant to be, never that way

I feel that change in me pulls back,

to move ahead and let anyone else shrink that crack

You were my friend, my guardian, my everything ..you were the one ii trusted,

& now even though ii try, try hard, to mend and get back on crust
I agree you are a  FRIEND ii could never replace,
ii could never let anyone occupy your space

But now when you back in my life, after hurting me that big,

even though you apologise, it has no effect, not even worth a twig

I accept the fact that ii will never be able to have faith in anyone like ii had in you,

but things can never be like before, not even if ii make an attempt, not even if another chance ii give myself over you

I hope straightening out my mind gets any faster,

it's the dilemma that has me surrounded, but ii am my own thought's master

I choose to live with it, with the mess, live alone,

unless someone comes around who could hit me with his ♥ harder than the stone.

    

♥♥

Yea, ii admit : ii miss YOU, ii miss US, 

but ii can't think about those things anymore. 

ii gotta move on because this, 

this is 

P.O.I.N.T.L.E.S.S

:)

You are definitely the REASON ii am this way.

.A Story To Tell.

Oh boi, how much I had wanted to scribble this down

Your story with mine that once wore the crown

It may have come to an end

Our empire may have took a bend

The talks of laughter still spread

Only if people knew how weak was our thread

For so long I kept thinking this was meant to last

Long enough that my life would past

It seemed so true and was persistence 

But maybe it was too echt for existence

How could have I missed

All the clues that God gave me which maybe I neglected

In the cecity of love around

As you spun me and lifted me off the ground

In your charm, I was lost

Completely, irrevocably and at all the cost

Only there was a moment that awaited 

For you to leave me, for my own good, as you stated

The separation, the plan, everything was devised

All the while you were desperate for farewell, as revised

It broke me, inside out

My heart was slayed, and I didn't shout

The times which conjoined that treachery

To my surprise, made me strong and ferry

I sailed to my destination

That was to believe that this world is not for hesitation

You had a chance to own me, merely you screwed up

I am a girl worth possessing, but yours is a half filled cup 

Oh wait, maybe you did succeed

Bcz when you left, 'I' was dead and never could proceed

I wished you ever had any care

My heart is still broken, broken beyond repair

I had to change all the directions

So that no path lead me to past, I took all precautions 

Though I have grown to be a strong

I still wonder if only I was wrong

You could always love a flower that died in a day

But you could never love me, who died with every delay

I don't know if I am over you or not

I do know now, love is not really my spot

All I can decipher is that I was dumb

But gladly, it made me numb

To my friends and people who loved my sweetened shelf

Most importantly, to my own self

Maybe it was for the best what befell

It's just my heartbreak that has a story to tell ..

  

. Growing with every fall .

        
                                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Its been high time now

For far too long I continued to bow

All my fears and fright

Kept me scared and I just couldn't fight

Slowly and slowly I kept failing

All my impuissances held me nailing

For everything that happened, I barred myself from acing

My awes, I could never help facing

I continued running away

In hopes that all bad times would fly

But in quandary I was arrest

Got defeated in almost every test

but with collapse of every night, a strong faith is born

I'll be a better person no matter how hard am torn.


(Trying continuously)
...

Banal Notion

am too tired to go to bed

too blue for tears to shed

ii took all ii can take

till the walls shook and window break

everything is torn

the world is cold as stone

ii still see your shadows

everywhere in love they follow

it's your memories, reminding me of how we loved

but ii have had enough

ii still wanna wait

now it's far too late

ii don't think anyone can talk me down

all ii can do is frown and frown

...

Hypocrite

I TOTALLY love this poem .. Its just perfect for me ..

I can't think of a title .. as always .. I think I should start practicing that .. :/

Anyhow, here it goes ..

The real me, stuck inside

trying to break free but unable to decide

between the wrong and right

just wanna hold on so tight

the increasing pressure of people around

their ideas and useless sounds

from time to time they keep ringing like bell

reminding me to do "what's right" rather what my heart tells

those constant arguments between my own two parts

never seem to fade and tear my mind apart

though none ever seem to win, not any side

but never do they lose their fucking pride

grinding between "I want" and "I should"

my life is screwed as much as one's could.

A Tumult Within

Am moving in circles without my will

again and again, the time stands still

the memories I try to leave behind

come back in loop and make me blind

in order to avoid people who may hurt my feel

the ones who love me suffer a great deal

I do try to make this right

atleast not to hurt the ones who hold me tight

in a warm embrace,

so lovely and full of grace

I tend to run behind things I can't possess

I know this already, but am so obessed

the grave penchant for hurting myself

I do things that make me lock my heart in a shelf.

.empty.





.Locked.

Daughter so bad

 

Dear mom and dear dad

am sorry to be a daughter so bad

on the day of Valentine, I cry

as I see the pain I caused in your eye

The pain in your eyes is so intense

it brings back the memories with force immense

memories of how I made your head to bow

in shame because I never made you proud

again and again I kept hurting

and the mistakes I always kept making

Never did I realise how broken you would be

And nor do I think I can ever see

all that you have done for me, in health or being ill

in hopes that your dreamz I'll fulfill

But all the time your efforts went in vain

for every little thing I only caused the pain

I did try, atleast not to raise my voice

but this anger never left me any choice

shouts soon converted to tears

and my heart is occupied with fears

even after I tried not to fail you

maybe my trials weren't hard enough and never true

I don't think I can be the daughter you always wanted

And this feeling is what keeps me haunted.