Hypocrite

I TOTALLY love this poem .. Its just perfect for me ..

I can't think of a title .. as always .. I think I should start practicing that .. :/

Anyhow, here it goes ..

The real me, stuck inside

trying to break free but unable to decide

between the wrong and right

just wanna hold on so tight

the increasing pressure of people around

their ideas and useless sounds

from time to time they keep ringing like bell

reminding me to do "what's right" rather what my heart tells

those constant arguments between my own two parts

never seem to fade and tear my mind apart

though none ever seem to win, not any side

but never do they lose their fucking pride

grinding between "I want" and "I should"

my life is screwed as much as one's could.

A Tumult Within

Am moving in circles without my will

again and again, the time stands still

the memories I try to leave behind

come back in loop and make me blind

in order to avoid people who may hurt my feel

the ones who love me suffer a great deal

I do try to make this right

atleast not to hurt the ones who hold me tight

in a warm embrace,

so lovely and full of grace

I tend to run behind things I can't possess

I know this already, but am so obessed

the grave penchant for hurting myself

I do things that make me lock my heart in a shelf.

.empty.





.Locked.

Daughter so bad

 

Dear mom and dear dad

am sorry to be a daughter so bad

on the day of Valentine, I cry

as I see the pain I caused in your eye

The pain in your eyes is so intense

it brings back the memories with force immense

memories of how I made your head to bow

in shame because I never made you proud

again and again I kept hurting

and the mistakes I always kept making

Never did I realise how broken you would be

And nor do I think I can ever see

all that you have done for me, in health or being ill

in hopes that your dreamz I'll fulfill

But all the time your efforts went in vain

for every little thing I only caused the pain

I did try, atleast not to raise my voice

but this anger never left me any choice

shouts soon converted to tears

and my heart is occupied with fears

even after I tried not to fail you

maybe my trials weren't hard enough and never true

I don't think I can be the daughter you always wanted

And this feeling is what keeps me haunted.

Exploration ..

Well, I saw this thing randomly while browsing blogs. It was like, the person had written 25 points bout herself - her like, dislikes and anything that came to mind.

Having nothing better to do, I thought of giving it a shot myself. So here goes 25 points about me ..!!

1. I am obsessed with black color.
2. I love collecting greeting cards.
3. When I was young, I always dreamt of being a terrorist and helping reduce growing population and also loved the fact that they had awesome guns.
4. I simply hate shopping.
5. I love reading books in my free time.
6. I am not a great fan of humor.
7. I love staying alone. Rather, crowd bores me.
8. I have always loved to explore different sides of myself.
9. I had always wanted to be elder than my brother and make him realise how it feels to be dominated.
10. I am not a great painter but sometimes I come up with beautiful drawings that are hard for me to believe are mine.
11. I do write stuff. Like poems and all but I still am not near anywhere to being creative. I am pretty dull as for that matter.
12. I love playing. My sport changes after a confined period of time though I have been sticking to bball for a long time now.
13. I am huge fan of soccer and even guys who love soccer. I love having conversations on this topic.
14. If allowed to write, I can go on and on with random topics.
15. I don't like being admired in face. I do like it but somehow I get uncomfortable.
16. I am really straight forward.
17. I have always wanted to stand out in crowd but I am too lazy to try.
18. I have bad temper and often hurt my loved ones because of this.
19. I am one of those who get inspired easily but then in sometime, the passion within fades away.
20. I don't like listening music when am low. It gives me space to think. Music is my soul though.
21. I dream to go on adventure sports and have a thrilling experience.
22. I love dark chocolate and choco cookies.
23. I have always fancied watching cartoons and hated watching serials.
24. I am pretty much arrogant to people and don't even give a damn.
25. Lastly, I love the way I am. Inspite of so many trials to change myself (read : I realli have), I am unable to do so and now, I have given up on it.

Jeez, that required brains. O.o

lol..well, now that I have killed so much time, I hafta get back to some work. And that's definitely not on pc.

Peace \/

little mood swing timbaland

Well, I have been wondering about my life. The sudden sways in mood, a sunken feeling that out of nowhere creeps into me and makes me flinch. A moment, I am happy, laughing and singing and then, the next moment, I am quiet trying to grasp the sudden pain in heart. Still trying hard to figure out the reason behind the pain, I sit on couch and decide to try and mould my words so that expressing myself becomes any more creative. So this is something i land upon -

Suddenly on this road

am all alone with so much load

world is moving so fast

forgetting about all the past

everyone is leaving me behind

forgettyn d promisez they made to my mind

my heart is filled with sorrow

love is something I can't borrow

no clue why everyone is turning their back

wanna know what went wrong and what I lack

I can do anything to make this right

all I need is a chance so bright

am dying to be with someone

someone who cares like noone

wanna share my feel with a person

but who can I trust when everyone is fearsome

help me get over it

cz I wanna survive this polluted mist

Sudden collapse of humor

So, this is what I came up with. I stay cheerful, happy and smiling all the time. But somehow the sunken feeling got this out of me. I am still to figure out what I am trying to tell myself. I have been writting poems for a while now. I have written many but something always kept me from telling poeple about my writtings. I still am not comfortable with putting my poems here but then at the same time, it feels good to pour out your heart to someone. Though i know, here, I might not know that someone but I guess, I prefer it this way.