Assumption Game

One fine evening, he decided to take a walk on the beach. It had been a week since he came to this place, this new city, a new neighbourhood, new people but old him. Raghav had decided to finally move to another city and try his luck there in the corporate world.
On the beach, he let his mind run.
He had kept first few weeks to explore the place, explore himself in that new city. He had left a lot of things behind - his former job, family, friends, acquaintances and most importantly Tanya.
Tanya was his love, a girl whom he saw as his soulmate. But something had caused him to leave her, he didn't know what. He had been reluctant about a lot of things - his growing feelings for her, her importance in his life and the very fact that he never dared to confess his feelings towards her. They had been great friends, for the last 5 years, but lately, things had been different, difficult. He was trying to figure out what was wrong with him, why he felt so special about her. He was in huge dilemma and there were times when T used to ask him what was wrong but he himself didnt know what to asnwer so he always nodded his head and told her that everything was fine. But everything was NOT fine. they were drifting apart. He felt that. He knew that.
What he did not know was whether she felt the same way ?


Had T also noticed their drift ? But if she did, why did she never try and stop me ? If she really felt there was something special between us, why didn't she ever say anything ? Why was she always very normal around me, talking about her other guy friends ? Did she not feel what I felt ? Did she never see me burning with jealousy when she talked about that guy from her office ? Or about the guy she met at the bar ? She never cared as to how I felt. She was always indifferent about my feelings. She always thought of me as a playboy and that's why she never thought of me as a special one. I should have told her how I felt before leaving but I guess it's fine. If she feels like talking, she'll call.


On the other side -

Tanya was sitting in her balcony, staring at the cars passing by and wondering what went wrong. She had met R at Eminem's concert and they had clicked right away. Something about him made her feel so comfortable about everything. She could talk to him about anything and everything. He was one guy who truly cared for her, who loved to make her smile, who understood her. But something had been off lately. He had suddenly decided to move, out of the city, out of her life. For last one year, she had felt special about him, like she knew it was him she wanted to spend rest of her life with. She used to tell him stories about her other guy friends only to get a hint of jealousy on his face which would have given her an insight of his feelings. They were amazing together. But what caused him to move, she didn't understand. She had tried asking him several times but he never gave away anything. He was quiet all the while. Quiet as much as that, that he didn't even ask her before deciding to just walk away and abandon her. She went numb, the moment she got to know about his decision. She didn't know what to say to him or to anyone else.


How could he do this to me ? How can he just leave without giving an explanation ? Did he not see the tears in my eyes that begged him to stop ? But how could he not, he understood me so well ? Did he not feel even a slightest thing for me ? But he was so amazing, its so unusual for someone to not notice what special we shared. So long years, and he just went away, just like that ? He knew me so well but he could never make out what I felt for him ? I always teased him to be a playboy but he knew I thought of him as a GREAT guy, because I knew him inside out. But he still went away. Maybe he never cared as to how I felt. He was always indifferent about my feelings. He always thought of me as a any other girl and that's why he never thought of me as a special one. I should have told him how I felt before he left but I guess it's fine. If he feels like talking, he'll call.




And the Assumption Game had begun.

Sadistic Pleasure

Katie was confused, hell confused about her life. Love life, to be precise. She had been single for long and now she wanted, rather didn’t mind getting into a relationship so her emotions had been taking a toll on her lately.

She already had a guy in her life, whom she thought she liked. She was sure that she didn’t love him but she knew that she did have feelings for him because she hadn’t done things close to what all she did for that guy, to keep him happy. But she wasn’t sure of him for he was the “popular” one, the one who very well knew how to play his cards right with girls. She wanted him to take time to get to know her, get to understand her and vice versa but things seemed to be going from bad to worse. She wasn’t accepting the fact that the guy wasn’t right for her but deep down, she knew he wasn’t.  She knew the consequences she would have to face but still she kept going on.

When she thought about it, she realized that she was now in a habit to learn things the hard way. She found some sadistic pleasure in what all she was putting herself through. She knew if she fell real bad, she’ll get up but with new spirits and will never fall with the same mistake again. But for that to happen, she wanted to make sure that the mistake had to be big and cruel before it made her fall.

So having an absurd way to make herself strong, she was putting herself through the unnecessary pain and troubles. What she could never understand was why she was doing all this? She knew, in a way, that she was only making things difficult for herself and that she was just hurting herself even more but she chose to stick to it. Her past made her certain that she needed to make herself strong beyond any possibility of getting hurt from anyone and regarding anything. She would talk to the guy who would hurt her again and again, act like she was happy, would pamper him even when she felt the urge to tell him to leave her alone but she would just continue.

She would indifferently ignore the guy who would treat her right, merely because she couldn’t get herself to believe that someone would actually like her and would want to make her happy. She had fallen way many a times to give herself any importance in anyone’s life.

She was so used to not being pampered, not being taken care of that now she hardly cared if anyone did. And if anyone did do it, she would think it’s just for a matter of time because eventually they would stop. She felt the care and love was transient.

Not quite understanding why she expected way too much out of anybody, the thing which kept pushing her was the fact that she knew no one would ever be able to reach up to those high standards and so she only blamed herself and no one else for setting such high standards. But eventually, she was making it difficult for others to reach her.

She was confused, anguished, insecure, scared and messed up.

Well, so am ii !

Why would anyone, despite knowing the outcomes, would do this to themselves? If someone was unintentionally hurting themselves, it’s still understandable. But what Katie was doing to herself, is just plain confusing and weird.

Am insanely obscure about the necessity to do this to ourselves when we have a beautiful life, comprising of loving friends and family. If you have any possible answer or explanation as to why Katie does that to herself, feel free to suggest.