Can't Sleep It Off :|

Selfish.

Mean.

Liar.

Think only about yourself.

Pretend.

Few words you would never expect to hear from a few people. But when you do, everything seems to fall apart.

Anger subsides, you get over the sadness, but when you get hurt and hurt that bad, it’s not at all easy to push it at the back of your mind, let alone forget about it or not think of it.

And even after all this; you still can’t get yourself to hate those people. You can’t even think ill of them. You start thinking that they might be as miserable as you are, they might also be going through hell thinking what all you might have said. As a result you start doubting yourself and your self respect takes a downtrip to hell.

Have you spent crying yourself to sleep because of me? Have you blamed yourself over and over again? Have you thought of anything about how miserable I am? Have you thought how am coping with my problems all alone because you asked me to deal with them myself? I guess not.

Then you start to think that even if you said the bad things, you did apologize and they were nowhere near to what you got to hear in return. Also, even if you did say equally bad things, you did apologize. But the apology never came from the other side. Had it come, you wouldn’t have missed if even if it was not genuine, because in between all the crap, you were just looking out for one apology to make yourself believe that you’re not making a complete fool out of you.

Everything was so much easier when you didn’t want anyone by your side, you didn’t want anybody to hug you and stay with you while you cried thinking about your fears or insecurities.

Maybe it should stay that way – without the willingness to share anything with anybody or get anyone’s hug.

Life is cruel at times, after all.

Tyndall Effect.

Ever wondered what exactly “right time” or “right place” or “right manner” is?

I do wonder about that. But lately, all I wonder about is what exactly a “right thought” is?

Maybe it’s something that makes you feel better or something that makes other person feel better or maybe it’s something totally random. But why do we wish to know which thought is right or which one is wrong? Isn’t life supposed to be easy where everything turns our right? Eventually it does. Maybe.

Thoughts know no boundary, they keep on spreading. When do we know we need to stop our thoughts so that they stay right? How do we know we’re right?

Anddddd I have absolutely no idea what am writing K

What do you do when you realize that the only person you care about is hurting because of you?

I guess, you let go.

Or not?

A pause.

It always comes down to expectations. They practically ruin every goddamn thing for you and for others.

Another pause.

Staring at the screen and thinking absolutely nothing is also worth writing. Huh.

Yet another lonnggg pause.

^

Conclusion: Simply messed up in your mind.

Solution: Drive away, take a break – from everything.

Me: Why don’t I learn shooting? Or go play laser tag game or paintball maybe? :D